PARENTAL CONTROL

I love life…I realized early in life that a lot of things in life are free and priceless all at once. One of such things is the gift of parenthood.

I’m not yet a parent, so some of you may feel that I’ve forayed past my jurisdiction; that I shouldn’t  be talking about things that I know little or nothing about seeing as I have never experienced parenthood before. You may be right, but then again, we are all very much alive but have some understanding of what lies on the other side of the divide. So maybe I know what I’m talking about here!

Someone once said, parenthood is that one opportunity to be everything to someone … at least for a few years. A child, within a matter of days, comes to learn who its parents are ‘cos they permanently hover within its line of vision and somehow know when it’s in need and how to meet the need. By these acts, over time, the parent comes to be perceived as ‘Omniscience’, ‘Omnipotent’, ‘Invincible’, and capable of providing all things.

At some point in the journey of parenthood, the reign of all parents on this lofty pedestals end ‘cos no man can live up to these labels that children bestow on their parents. The only difference is whether they get dethroned with a shove or a dignifying, hand-held decent. 

I recently read Chimamanda Adichie’s ‘Purple Hibiscus’ and I caught a glimpse of a parent who not only failed to meet the expectations of his children, but those of his spouse as well. I was appalled at the brand of parenting Eugene (Ms Adichie’s character of interest) practiced, but what caught my attention was the tenacity with which his daughter held on to her fantasies about her father. In the heat of heinous abuse, her only thoughts were that whatever her father did was for her good. I found myself in awe of her devotion to her father and it broke my heart that he didn’t make the best of the faith that she had in him.

The reality of life however is that too few parents live up to their reputations. Too often, I see parents beat and punish children with fire in their eyes that reveal anger and a need to punish rather than love and the need to correct. I know parents who hide behind the veil of ‘wanting what is best for the child’ to pursue selfish desires and ideologies … I could go on and on about the shortcomings of parents, but it might begin to sound very personal. Well, it’s not; I just wish there were more parents worthy of their titles out there.

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We No Go Gree

So there were rumors of an impending strike…ok…not the strike in itself; that part’s for real. The Nigerian Labour Congress (NLC) has locked horns with the government in its demand for a raise in national minimum wage from the current N9,500.00 and is making a ‘we-no-go-gree’ statement with a three-day warning strike which started today, Wednesday, November 10, 2010.

So, the question on my mind was not about the strike, the uncertainty was as to whether or not it would affect us at my place of work enough to yield a windfall holiday.

 As a rule, I hate to hope in vain, so I shut the possibility of a no-work-day out of my mind…till close of work yesterday. By this time I couldn’t keep up the charade about not being remotely desirous of a day to myself. I could already see how my work-free-day would play out; tossing n turning in bed till 8 am…reading my Bible hurriedly and fast-forward to the part where I select a movie and then another after another…there would be food too, plenty of food. Yep! U get the idea now, it was going to be a lazy day for Lil’ Nora, yay!!!

It’s 12:30 pm on the D-Day, and I’m sitting at my desk in the office…serves me right for breaking my no-anticipation policy! It was however not a total loss for me. I got to do the ‘tossing n turning till 8 am’ bit…the rest have been relegated to fantasy, at least for today. ‘Maybe tomorrow…

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Today's Prayer

Today I say a prayer;

Lord please rid my heart of its layers,

so that when you reach out,

you can find its core

caressing gently, & healing its sores.

Today, I say a prayer;

Lord, grant me my one desire;

grace to follow you,

to love you more each day.

Teach me humility

but most importantly, to your word loyalty.

so even in doubt, I’d still obey.

‘Learning to trust, come what may.

Lord I need you to know my heart

& all that’s hidden within its parts

that you’d bring soothing relief where it hurts

so I might come boldly into your courts.

Hold my hand & walk with me

calm my troubled soul & help me be still.

Help me realize that your spirit fills

& to open myself to its refreshing pills

that heal all my hearts ills.

- A Poem by Nora & Honey Brown

Greasing Rusted Wheels

Sometime last year, Hillary Clinton, the American Secretary of State visited Nigeria and of the many things she said by way of giving advice to a country trying to find it’s foot, what she said loudest and longest was that Nigeria, as a country, is bed-ridden with corruption and would remain that way till we purge ourselves of this debilitating disease. These of course are my words, not her's, but the manner in which she said the things she did made me cringe with shame; shame that we should wash our dirty linens before such public eyes; shame that we have allowed ourselves roll so long and mindlessly in the mud, that a stranger finds it impossible to mince words with us in stating how filthy we are!

On Monday, Nov. 1^st 2010, Rev. Jesse Jackson, an American envoy, speaking at the Kuramo Conference came all the way to our country to press his finger to our noses, as he labeled us corrupt to an extent that is criminal to humanity.

It’s not that I don’t know these things to be true oh! I fear that we may even be corrupt enough to have become a stench in the nose of our creator. It’s just that Nigerian thing about an outsider coming to your home to call your folks names. Even when you know the relation in question is a thief, you want to be the one to make the accusations.

Sometimes, I want to believe that the situation isn’t as bad as it’s painted; that people home and abroad just blow things out of proportion for the heck of it. The truth however becomes glaring when I come face-to-face with the deeply etched rot in our system, which is about everyday.

I know the situation is undeniably bad when I hear stories about the police and health care practitioners demanding that their palms be greased if they must perform in their various capacities. It's appalling to hear that people whose jobs translate into life and security, would think to hold clients to ransom for bribe!

A friend of mine who recently drove into a robbery and escaped from the scene with bullet marks all over his car had to go to the police station to obtain a Police extract/report. Without this, he can’t get his Insurer to cover the cost of the repairs on his car.  It’s been over a week, and while he has been forced to grease many palms at the station, he is yet to obtain the much needed report. A police officer after collecting a sum of money from him, actually told him to, if asked, tell her superior that the sum given was less than the actual. As he sat at the station, waiting for a report that he eventually didn’t get, he learned a couple of things about our Police Force;

·         policemen threaten not to release people whose bails had been paid until the persons who posted their bail gave them something extra ‘for their effort’

·         a person who makes a complaint to the police that requires that a case-file be opened has to pay the officer in charge something extra to close the file if he decides to drop the charges

·         a person could walk into a station to make a complaint and if for some reason, the policemen do not like something about him, he gets hauled in jail as a suspect in the case he came in to report

As if all these aren’t bad enough, one goes to the hospital to hear the person who receives payment for your bills complaining “Na wa for these patients sef! Don’t you people ever add anything extra?” and the nurse wielding the syringe that’s going into your bum, asking “Won’t you buy me Malt?”  I cringe to think what would happen to the brave but foolish person who responses in the negative!

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The Burden Of Leadership

A lot of things aren't right in our country. No one can feign deafness toward the cries about the rate of unemployment that moves in stride with that of inflation or blindness to the way people seem to daily discover new ways to commit old crimes. In the midst of all these lamentations is an incessant shuffle of feet as people try (some succeeding and some failing) to escape to other countries; after all, the grass is always greener on the other side. My question is this “Is it really?”

With some level of uniformity, we all seem to blame our government for all the ills of the nation; if not for the incidence, they get the blame for not curbing the situation.The feedbacks from the recently conducted American Midterm Election indicate that it’s not only in Nigerian that we think our government just sits on its f%t rear and watch things fall apart about our ears. The people seem to be crying foul about promises made but not kept by the Obama administration in a language that sounds so familiar.

It's all making me think maybe leadership really is a tough piece to bite into; maybe good intentions are just not enough when one slips into the shoes of a leader. Unlike our own leaders who from the onset have eyes that make different promises from those uttered from their mouths, …

Mouth: My government will provide you good roads and a revolution in electricity supply.

Eyes: Just get out of my way so I can get my hands on all that money. Road ko! Light ni!

…the Obama administration seemed to have a good game plan. Their promises sounded genuine and come to think of it, wouldn’t it have been reckless of them to have had any negative intentions about their assumption of office seeing as he is the first black president of the USA whose actions will influence the future of other ambitious people of colour? 

But despite the well itemized plans and promises, the people are worried that their country’s employment and economic situations have gotten away from the government and screaming “But you promised!” in a manner similar to the Nigerian situation.

So maybe leadership isn't a piece of cake or maybe I’m just being melancholic and unduly sympathetic towards Obama’s plight, but I think despite our similar governing woes, our leaders still have some ways to go before their failure can be considered justified in my books (as I fear is the case with Obama). A good starting point would be to keep their eyes from roving when they promise us light, roads and security. abi?

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