My thoughts are distorted; I want to say so much, yet very little
I want to pour my heart out, yet I fear that I might be too weak to stand after the ordeal
Yes, that’s what I think!
It’s like tearing a page out of my heart’s diary
What I feel, consumes me
What I want to say eludes me
Turmoil, love, fear, hurt, disdain, hope...
Turmoil over the emotions that have possessed me
Love – hell, I don’t even know what that is doing here!
Fear; over the knowledge that someone holds, or worse, is my kryptonite
Hurt; over the fact that I’m here
Disdain; at the fact that I’m one of the ‘Fallen’
Hope...a tiny glimmer, that maybe, just maybe...
Waiting without knowing why...or if
Waiting...still waiting, tis foolish I know
And insane as it may sound, I don’t mind
It’s amazing how you think you’re untouchable,
And just when you let your guard down...ever so briefly,
You’re made aware of how delusional you have been
It’s like the veil of ignorance being lifted
My judgement has been warped by prejudice
I always thought no matter how hard I fell, I could stand tall and walk away,
How beguiled I have been by my own parti pris
And here I am, struggling to sit...struggling
Yet failing...not for the lack of strength
But more for the lack of will and too many conflicting needs
The need to shut this door: to stand tall
The need to hold your hand; to feel the butterflies dance again
The need to rebuild the wall; to mend my heart’s pieces
The need to own this love; to have those kisses
The need to walk away
The need to see you stay
I have been struggling
But today, I decide...
I don’t want to think, don’t want to need,
Don’t want to will, don’t want to feel
Just want to breathe...
(A Poem by HoneyBrown)
(A Poem by HoneyBrown)
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