Letter to My Younger Self (1)

Dear Nora,

Let me start by saying, although ‘Life’ has a way of molding our character and behaviour, your life is proof that when character is true and good, it will always shine through, no matter how many mud slings life throws at us. I know you are wondering what I’m talking about. I’m referring to those years you spent in the clutches of depression and silence imposed on you by the sadness and uncertainty you felt as a young teenager.

I know how much you miss having your mum in your life. You are certain life would be less painful if she, instead of your step-mom, were the woman in your life. You know you would smile more and cry less. That may be true, but you know what the Bible says about all things working together for good for they that love God? Well it’s true. Many years from now, you will look back on your life (like I’m doing now) and realize with utter disbelief that maybe THAT life was the life you needed to grow into a strong resilient woman and if you had to do things all over again and were given a choice, you would choose the life you have right now over the one you keep day dreaming about. So, my advice to you: Dust yourself up, stop wallowing in self-pity and start making notes of areas in your life where you desire to see a stronger, better you.

My heart breaks as I think of the sense of worthlessness and unworthiness that looms over you like a dark cloud. My heart breaks because over the years I learned that there is so much complexity and wonder to the girl that you are. So much so, that in the years to come, when people talk about the Nora they know and have experienced, you will marvel at the character in their stories and wonder if the stories are exaggerations. Your friends describe you as ‘wise beyond her years’ ‘witty’ ‘good natured’ ‘kind hearted’ and ‘good morals’. Imagine that! So the next time you look in a mirror, remember that there so much more to you than meets the eyes. 

Before I ramble on and forget this important point, you need to stop looking at your sisters and feeling less…not as pretty, not as fair skinned and generally less remarkable. Let me give you a privileged peek into the future darling, you ARE intelligent and beautiful. As you will learn later in life, beauty has many faces, complexions and body types. Ask Agbani Darego and then ask Unwana Udobang if you doubt me. So, yes your sisters are beautiful but then so are you. Between you and me, you will come to prefer your type of beauty over theirs especially when you start having kids. Your body is not perfect, but it is the only one you have and love it you must and will. As time goes on, you will also learn that physical beauty is not the full measure of a woman. Time will teach you that there is more to a Total Woman, qualities like inner strength balanced nicely with meekness, intellect, versatility and a host of others. So dearie, food for thought “How do you rate when these qualities are considered?” Whatever your answer, know that there is time for improvement and that the virtuous woman of the Bible is not an illusion.

That thing called ‘Love’, I know how you think it is synonymous with hurt, betrayal and disappointment because you see it only through the tainted lenses of your mother’s experience. Honestly, you neither know the whole of it nor truly understand all that happened. What I however know from my years in walking in your shoes is this; Love truly is rare. Most people mistake a lot of other fleeting emotions for it and many pay the price for those misrepresentations. But, Love IS real. People have felt and experienced its beauty and one day, you will too. It will take you time and you will worship at the altars of caution and distrust for a long time (thankfully not too long as to add to your life’s regrets), but eventually, you will befriend a particular boy and slowly but surely, your heart will melt and reform. He will help you to break that teenage vow never to tell someone you love them, and mean it. He would help you learn that what Love isn’t is perfect, and what it is is beautiful and worth experiencing, pain and joy all bundled in one. You just wait and see! Remember his name… Its Victor Odiba Igonoh… especially the surname *wink.

You know how I said your heart will melt and reform? Good thing it does, otherwise, it would definitely have broken as you got to know and love Ojonimi and Jodie. It would not have been able to contain this untamable joy that courses through it each time you look in their lovely faces or the gratitude you feel towards God for these blessings.

I know this has been a long letter, but I think it’s been necessarily so because you need to see the beauty that you are and your life is. There is so much more to say but it would take too many words, too much time and possibly ruin the experience.

Before I end my letter Lovely Nora, I must tell you one more thing. I wish that this were an opportunity to re-write some passages or even whole chapters of our life’s story. Then I would be able to warn you of some mistakes that your path holds so that you can pick other routes and make better choices. But that isn’t what this letter is about; this is just a letter to let you know that your life IS beautiful. So dear, it is with some sadness I tell you that you will not always make the right choices. You will make mistakes grave and small. But you will learn to forgive yourself (especially because God has set an example for you by first forgiving you) and learn from your mistakes. One of the lessons you will learn is that you are far from perfect and no one is infallible.

I love you Nora, with all of my heart… so catch up already; learn to love yourself so you can truly start living!

Lot’s of Love…

An older, wiser Nora