Recollections of Christmas Traditions

Christmas is here already and as usual, it's colored with excitement and enthusiasm. Depending on the kind of family you were raised in, some pictures and memories automatically flow through your mind when you think of Christmas. One of the most noticeable heralders of the season for me, are the carols …

 “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…”

I’ve always loved that song despite the abstractness of the snowy day from a Nigerian perspective. It’s laced with nostalgia and urgency in a melodious mix that is an embodiment of all that is the Christmas tradition. 

“…just like the ones I used to know”

I’ve loved Christmas since I can remember. Even though I didn't grow up in a family given to traditions, some things rubbed off from the society at large, and over the years, those things, though borrowed, became a sort of tradition to me. I’m not sure which elements stand out the most from my childhood and have traveled with me through the years. Maybe it’s the lights and other decorations that transform our streets from mundane to mesmeric pictures from our favorite fairy tales. Perhaps it’s the sweet melodies of carols drifting dreamily out some windows and in others. With my mind's eyes I see grainy mental pictures of a musically gifted relative  lovingly fingering a piano so that missed notes here and there are forgiven as a medley of carols are sang at the top of our voices and fill our hearts with such a sense of peace and joy that worries and other heartaches seem to pause for a week or so. Could it be the trees that come out just in time to herald the historic birth of our King?  Or the gifts stashed away under the tree which were ALWAYS highlights of the season. Even though receiving gifts that we had day-dreamed and drooled over all year round was great, the small things like sweets and cookies were heartily received because somehow, even the youngest of us knew that the value of the gift was not itself but in its being given and that we were lovingly remembered at Christmas. 

Maybe it is in the recollection of the temporal burying of hatchets and other misgivings between neighbors and the portal of goodwill that opens in the week of Christmas to allow for the free flow of drinks and food from household to household. Did your neighbors send their children over to yours with ceramic or metal dishes brimming with Jollof Rice crowned with choice pieces of thoroughly fried Chicken or Beef, till your family had a dining room filled with an assortment of meals from different homes and motivated by varying intentions? Despite this, by some unspoken rule, the one meal that everyone awaited with giddy excitement was mother's very own food. The recollection of the taste of my mother’s special Christmas Jollof Rice and Fried Chicken is so strong I almost call out to ask if food is ready. It wasn’t that we didn’t have Jollof Rice on other days, it’s just that for some inexplicable reason, Christmas Jollof always seems different to my tastebuds.

The Carol services and dramatizations of the Christmas story cannot be forgotten or left out when pictures of Christmas traditions are painted. This year, honoring the circle of life, I watched my kids first performance in a Christmas concert, and was fondly reminded of all the times past when I stood in their positions singing of the wonders of Christmas at the top of my voice.

For some families, the holiday was not complete without the huddled family meetings to resolve protracted intra-family feuds. As tempers and voices flared and subsided in unfathomable rythmes, one was never able to clearly decipher what the arguments were centered around if you were not invited into the fold. But everyone knows that Christmas is a time to be with family and no misunderstanding was worth denying one's self the joy of loving and being loved by the people who know you as best as any human can. Even city dwellers somehow find a way to get away from their ball and chains lives, sneak back home (wherever home may be), and crawl into their mothers’ arms and under their wrappers for a recharge of their emotional batteries because who really knew what punches the new year would pack?

For me Christmas is a kaleidoscope that neatly brings together these fragmented practices which when alone are never quite significant or explainable, but which when fused together within the season bring the greatest cheer to our hearts and remind us of all that is true and the source of the world’s one shot and peace, for all times. Whilst still holding on to traditions and family cultures created around Christmas, we want to ask that we all take some time to remember the most important part of Christmas; and the real reason we celebrate Christmas at all. We celebrate Christmas because of the birth of Jesus. We celebrate His gift of promise amid despair and hopelessness. Like a number of people today, there must have been tons of questions echoing in people’s minds 2000 odd years ago. Then Jesus came, a single answer to a million questions ranging from the economy to matters of the heart.

What’s amazing is Nigeria is at one of those turning points littered with questions and groans. It’s the perfect time to celebrate Christmas. It’s the perfect time to open our hearts and lives anew to the hope that Jesus’ birth ushered into the world. The birth that whispered in the dead of night “It is well!”  

Letter to My Younger Self (1)

Dear Nora,

Let me start by saying, although ‘Life’ has a way of molding our character and behaviour, your life is proof that when character is true and good, it will always shine through, no matter how many mud slings life throws at us. I know you are wondering what I’m talking about. I’m referring to those years you spent in the clutches of depression and silence imposed on you by the sadness and uncertainty you felt as a young teenager.

I know how much you miss having your mum in your life. You are certain life would be less painful if she, instead of your step-mom, were the woman in your life. You know you would smile more and cry less. That may be true, but you know what the Bible says about all things working together for good for they that love God? Well it’s true. Many years from now, you will look back on your life (like I’m doing now) and realize with utter disbelief that maybe THAT life was the life you needed to grow into a strong resilient woman and if you had to do things all over again and were given a choice, you would choose the life you have right now over the one you keep day dreaming about. So, my advice to you: Dust yourself up, stop wallowing in self-pity and start making notes of areas in your life where you desire to see a stronger, better you.

My heart breaks as I think of the sense of worthlessness and unworthiness that looms over you like a dark cloud. My heart breaks because over the years I learned that there is so much complexity and wonder to the girl that you are. So much so, that in the years to come, when people talk about the Nora they know and have experienced, you will marvel at the character in their stories and wonder if the stories are exaggerations. Your friends describe you as ‘wise beyond her years’ ‘witty’ ‘good natured’ ‘kind hearted’ and ‘good morals’. Imagine that! So the next time you look in a mirror, remember that there so much more to you than meets the eyes. 

Before I ramble on and forget this important point, you need to stop looking at your sisters and feeling less…not as pretty, not as fair skinned and generally less remarkable. Let me give you a privileged peek into the future darling, you ARE intelligent and beautiful. As you will learn later in life, beauty has many faces, complexions and body types. Ask Agbani Darego and then ask Unwana Udobang if you doubt me. So, yes your sisters are beautiful but then so are you. Between you and me, you will come to prefer your type of beauty over theirs especially when you start having kids. Your body is not perfect, but it is the only one you have and love it you must and will. As time goes on, you will also learn that physical beauty is not the full measure of a woman. Time will teach you that there is more to a Total Woman, qualities like inner strength balanced nicely with meekness, intellect, versatility and a host of others. So dearie, food for thought “How do you rate when these qualities are considered?” Whatever your answer, know that there is time for improvement and that the virtuous woman of the Bible is not an illusion.

That thing called ‘Love’, I know how you think it is synonymous with hurt, betrayal and disappointment because you see it only through the tainted lenses of your mother’s experience. Honestly, you neither know the whole of it nor truly understand all that happened. What I however know from my years in walking in your shoes is this; Love truly is rare. Most people mistake a lot of other fleeting emotions for it and many pay the price for those misrepresentations. But, Love IS real. People have felt and experienced its beauty and one day, you will too. It will take you time and you will worship at the altars of caution and distrust for a long time (thankfully not too long as to add to your life’s regrets), but eventually, you will befriend a particular boy and slowly but surely, your heart will melt and reform. He will help you to break that teenage vow never to tell someone you love them, and mean it. He would help you learn that what Love isn’t is perfect, and what it is is beautiful and worth experiencing, pain and joy all bundled in one. You just wait and see! Remember his name… Its Victor Odiba Igonoh… especially the surname *wink.

You know how I said your heart will melt and reform? Good thing it does, otherwise, it would definitely have broken as you got to know and love Ojonimi and Jodie. It would not have been able to contain this untamable joy that courses through it each time you look in their lovely faces or the gratitude you feel towards God for these blessings.

I know this has been a long letter, but I think it’s been necessarily so because you need to see the beauty that you are and your life is. There is so much more to say but it would take too many words, too much time and possibly ruin the experience.

Before I end my letter Lovely Nora, I must tell you one more thing. I wish that this were an opportunity to re-write some passages or even whole chapters of our life’s story. Then I would be able to warn you of some mistakes that your path holds so that you can pick other routes and make better choices. But that isn’t what this letter is about; this is just a letter to let you know that your life IS beautiful. So dear, it is with some sadness I tell you that you will not always make the right choices. You will make mistakes grave and small. But you will learn to forgive yourself (especially because God has set an example for you by first forgiving you) and learn from your mistakes. One of the lessons you will learn is that you are far from perfect and no one is infallible.

I love you Nora, with all of my heart… so catch up already; learn to love yourself so you can truly start living!

Lot’s of Love…

An older, wiser Nora